Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize
