Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
