'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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