i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
