I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
