I'm going to jail i love you
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I supernannyed him into submission
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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