My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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