Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
