he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
