Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
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