it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
