I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
