Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Two words: blizzard sex
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
