time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
