Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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