Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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