return my video game
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
