I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
