Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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