I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
