i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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