do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
now i know why i became what i already was.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
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