one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
