I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
