Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
