i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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