Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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