Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
