youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
