I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
