She is in my trunk
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
