I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
