He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You may now shotgun with the bride
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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