and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
