If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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