Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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