no, he came in my armpit
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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