My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
