I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
