She is in my trunk
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
