apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
