yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
