i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
