You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
