Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
