It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
