I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
50% drunk capacity currently
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
