Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
