A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Randomize
