White coat. Heels.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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