those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
